UNREACHABLE

UNREACHABLE

She screamed for help and I came to her rescue. I came and got as close as I can without fall off the mountain myself. She says she I don't want to fall so I stretch forth my hand in my attempt to save her. She looks up at me and says no I dont want you. I shout give me your hand I don't want you to fall. I notice her hands slipping off the rock as she sways away from my hand. She screams, help!!! Give me your damn hand please as I beg her. No get the fuck away from me. Leave me alone; she tells me. Im lost and Im confused. I thought she wanted to be saved or rescued from this fall. This fall is so deep you can't even see the ground. Don't do this to yourself. Stop being foolish no one else is here to save you. I start to slip off from my stances and become worried of if I will fall. Her hands slip even more and her strength weakens. I try to extend my hand one last time but still she refuses. As she slipping away I had no other choice but to watch... I don't want to see you fall; I told her. She simply said Dzy and I answered. Do me one last favor; yes anything I replied. Close your eyes first and so I did reaching my hand out praying that she would grab hold to me. And yet I wait... ... ...

Dzy LilBishop

Left For Freedom

Left For Freedom...

I remember when it stop breating. I remember exactly when I felt it's last pump. The setting was dark and all I could feel was the wind blowing above me while my window was shut. I wanted to cover myself but my body response wouldn't act.

Im laying here with my eyes close but seeing me fade away into the abyss of death. Where are you I try asking but my mouth doesnt move. I try to make myself believe that you will be here soon to save me but I don't even feel you next to me. Get up, get up, get up as I shout to my body and limbs but they ignore me. I can't feel my legs and my arms become stif. I feel my chest rise but it gets slower and slower, less and lesser. Why won't you help me?

I know that your near and that you see me unable to awake. Shake me or push me over! Your standing there from a distance and I feel your presence. Why do you refuse? I feel as if I'm bond by chains or held against my will but from what and for what reason? Shhh stop talking. There's not much air left which also means I'm running out of time. Dont do this to me please. What ever I done to you dont let me fade away. Don't let me die...

Wait! Don't leave me. Hello? Hello? I can feel your presence drift away. I start to go into panic as I feel my spirit departing. Crying on the inside not aware of the tears streaming on the outside. No don't leave me... I whisper lightly. I really need you as the words mumble softly out my mouth... I still... love you.... exhaling my last breath....

Now I stand here watching as they put this casket into the ground. I see my name written on it but I standing right here. They lower it into the ground but I wonder if they notice they forgot the body. Hey!! I shout and they ignore me. Not this shit again! Hello!!! I scream closer to them but they are not even phased by the tension in my voice... I jump onto the casket to open it but it's locked. No No No!!! Stop! Stop!!! Please just stop! I yell and I shout. I shout and I yell. Still no response as they throw dirt on me...

It must be so as I tell myself standing in belief. As the continue to throw dirt I lay down on my very own casket repeating the words; She let me me die... As the dirt is starting to cover me I just submitted to it. If I must die kill all of me and leave nothing behind. Just as my body my spirit was buried. Never did I leave the hole i was put in. Never shall I live again. I died twice that day all for a good reason. My spirit was set free; off as it go. But it die aswell with the reason it will never know...

Dzy LilBishop

What I Really Want to Say....

What I Really Want To Say

What you mean? Are you fucking kidding me?

Just like that huh.... Wow, you showing me something new.

No its not just the way it goes; Its not just something I have to deal with.

What you mean I dont have no choice. I made the choice to be with you so why dont I have a choice now.....

Dont act like you hurt now. Your the one making life decision.

Oh I believed it when you said it the first time. But now lets take a look at the facts.

I can go back to all the message and conversations we had and point out everything you told me.

You said it to me and I believe every fucking word that formulated. Every fucking thought processed.

What am I suppose to do with this love that was created between us two?

There isnt a storage room in the world that could store this love I have for you.

Look see there you go again... Ok so it dont matter and you done with it? I mean really?

So what is it then? What we going to do? (smh) So there is no more me and u or no us? Damn...

Oh you hit me with the we can be friends punchline...

No thats not good enough for me. And its shouldnt be something that you should be so quick to settle for.

I cant believe this. You loved me yesterday and today you like me as a friend?

Is this how all your relationships end? Love em, Fuck em, then like em? Do the big and expensive things then leave em?

Do you really hear the shit coming out your mouth right now? Is this how you really feel?

All this came up over night... Im sure your going to tell me it did and hope I believe that bullshit too.

Just like when you said you love me or when you said you would never leave me or when you said you wont let go of me.

If only you knew the true words that came into mind right now. No Im going to hold back from saying it. So you want to know? You really want to know!

If I could go back to when we first met; my first words would be

DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME!!!

If I could go back to when you first told me you love me I would say

FUCK YOUR FAKE ASS LOVE!!!

If I could go back and relive the moments when you shared your feelings with me; I would say

FUCK YOUR FEELINGS THEY DONT MEAN SHIT!!!

If I could go back to when you first touched me; I would say

DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!

If I could go back to when you said you wanted to marry me; I would say

FUCK MARRYING YOU!!!!

If I could go back to when you said you wanted to have bare my seed; I would say

FUCK THAT BULLSHIT!!!

Now since you tell me this now and we being so honest.

Since you wanna be friends after all this time.

Since I have to less then 30 days to move out from you heart and return the keys back to its owner

Since I will never have anybody like you in my life ever again; Im going to say

FUCK YOUR HONESTY!!!

FUCK YOUR FRIENDSHIP!!!

FUCK YOUR HEART!!!

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!

(....As he looks deep into the picture....)

Damn why cant I just let you go...

(as the tear drops on the picture)

(Curtains close)

Dzy LilBishop

My Conovo from X-Factor

My Conovos from X-Factor....

What is it that makes u love someone?

What is it that keeps u involved?

What attracted u to that person?

What makes it legit?

• • 

Q: Why did I wake up today...?

A: Just to see the sun go down....

Tollway Crash Video Released

Tollway Crash Video Released

Another Dream Come True

Well today was the first full day I got to spend with my daughter Amya. She is so amazing in all her ways I cant even explain. Her laugh, smile, the way she sleeps, cries, and talk; it so wonderful to have my daughter in my arms. Its been like forever since I been with my child and now all the long days and nights of not having her will pay off. After all the drama her mother put me through it finally paid off.

My daughter was born Aug. 1st, 2007. During this time I wasnt there due to some issues of my condition and family. Ever since Amya was born; to me it felt as trouble just followed me everywhere I went.(Not just with my baby's mom) I pressed my way through it all. Yes I cried at nights and even felt like fighting just because. Amya is my angel and I love her so much since she was conceived. Now as time passes along and after the long wait I finally have what I wanted. She is in my arms as I type this small blog to viewers. I wont let her go for nothing. Out of all the dreams I grew up having, I know there is one that I can say Im proud to see it come true.

"Smile Mya cause Daddy loves you"

Dzy

That Noise

I heard a noise the other night while I was at home; that sounded so familiar. It hit me so hard that it stuck with me that next day as I went to work wondering where it came from. I thought about it for a long time; so hard that my head could have explode. Frustrated, I drove home soon after my work was done. I sat in my chair and just pondered on that sound which caught my attention. No TV., no radio, no cell phone; nothing to disrupt my thinking....

(Thinking)....

That noise...

That strange noise....

All I could think about where did it come from. Where was I when I heard it, what was I doing....

(Thinking).....

I was sitting here in this chair matter of fact I was sitting just like this balled up; sitting here thinking. I was thinking for a long time. I was thinking about my life; how I try to be the best I could be but I can't. I was thinking of my family; how they are suffering cause of me. I was thinking of my job; how everyone there despise me and looks down on me. My friends; how they betray me and stab me in my back. Thinking about me; how sorry I was.... What else could there be. (:- ( a soft cry is heard)... I hear it. I couldn't understand it but I hear it. It kept going on and on. This noise as louder as it got; sounds like pain. Sounds like a wounded animal why is it hurting. What causing this sorrow... Where is it coming from; Who is making this noise?!!!


(As The Crying Got Louder)


Who is it that's hurting so bad and why?
Slowly I walk to my bedroom drying off my face. I realize how wet my face was when I saw tears dripping from my hand. As I sat on my bed I thought to myself; who ever that was crying really needed to cry and let that out. So much pain within those tears would cause a breakdown. I start to lay down and cover myself in my blanket tightly. One question was stuck with me. So who was it built with so much pain that his tears over flowed and slowly curved down his face? I close my eyes cuz I didn't won't to see myself say it. I bit my tongue hoping that I could keep myself from letting it out. Soon after I gave in. I was tired of holding it in. I briskly opened my mouth and gently whispered my answer to this question that's been drilling into my mind.....




me.....

Sir. Dzy

The Missing Side of Me

I did it...

I finally have her...The one I searched for this whole time. The angel I longed for my entire life. She truly was.

"The Missing Side Of Me."

For years I wondered who was it out there that was meant for me. The one who could understand my needs. Who felt what I felt, that knows how to comfort me. The one who would pick me up when I'm down; instead of provoking me.

I needed that person cause were I was going in life I wanted to share it with someone special. The one who deserved my love and affection. The one who was made just right for me. The one I'm destined to be with.

"It was when I saw her; she took my breath away. It was when she touched me; she made my body feel relaxed covered with goose bumps. It was when she spoke, the only echo that I could hear was her own voice that channeled through my ears. It was when I felt her kiss....

That made my future meet my present, my present met my past, and my past met my future that cause time just to stop. That makes me realizing that I was no longer in the earthly realm cause were I was eternity existed.

She was the one, she is the one, and she will be the only one for me.

I found it...

What's keeping this gap from closing. What was creating a barricade between me and love. My key to forever.

She knew...

She knew what she was here for. She knew her purpose. She knew that out there's a real man waiting on her. She knew... She knew without a shadow of a doubt that our souls were meant to be jointed together in holy matrimony. Most of all she knew just as well as I did that she was my other half.

I found her... My star, my angel, my world, my life."

The Missing Side Of Me

Sir. Dzy

(Feedback)

Everybody Else

Hey man there's a party at my friend's house tonight is it alright for you to go? Everybody else is goin to be there. Its friday night you know.

Dzy what's good? How's the party bro? I got that stuff in my bag that will make your eyes low. Hey man if Jeff gets high everybody else is gettin blowed.

Here have a drink with me sweet thing. Everybody else is doin it minus well do the same. Oh! Its alright; you can smoke and drink and still be cool look at everybody else.

Baby don't worry I understand its your first time; look at me and everybody else. Seems as we do this all the times. Just relax put your mind on me everybody else is havin a good time so let it be.

Yeah!! Let's keep this party goin let's go for a drive. Say what, huh, who cares everybody else got in there rides. Don't worry Dzy I'll take it light. I'll keep my eyes open I won't lose sight. I'm just having a good time just like everybody else. Yeah let's Go!!!!!

And that's exactly what he did. He got crazy and went wild just as well as everybody else did. Driving through the streets over shadow by the night. Doing stunts and tricks while drunk on a bike. Came across a curve that his headlight didn't let be seen. Flying through the air; then hit a tree; there's go his head with a jacked up spleen.

Now at the hospital were we see him lay. He stay there for a couple of days. Family debating on weather they should pull the plug and let him have a chance with the lord. Because of there insurance it couldn't pay no more. He lived a good life that's what everybody else said. But they would never know the things he privately did. I wish that he had one last chance to react some things he lived. Like forgetting about everybody else and what they did. He was my good friend but one with a hard head. I still remember when everybody else was crying when I told them he was dead.

That whole tragedy gave me an over view of my life and the things I didn't let be. It makes me proud to say everybody else suffered but me.

Dzy